the soul can produce beautiful poetry, but only the spirit can uncover the truth.
In a momentary glimpse,
I am alive.
and I feel,
for the sake of feeling.
Like waiting,
for the sake of peace.
and I press on.
Forgive me.
Forgive me and my ignorance.
My stubbornness.
FREEDOM!
TAKE BACK!
Such an inspiration!
A little something about registers
I thought you could only live in one register, but now I realize you can live in two places at once.
Remind me
that my passionate intensity
is not my own.
Remind me
how futile I am
in the crashing weight
of your love.
I disappear
I disappear into my self
Folds and folds of waves
crashing into me
pressuring me into the weight
of my own identity.
Me, lost in myself,
Me lost in my self dug abyss
Me searching to break free.
But
You replacing waves upon
folds of waves
with the love of God
washing into me
Through me
For me.
Promise me you will never ever let me be complacent.
Search
Just had an epiphany while at pilates. Everything we do is related to seeking justice in our identity, especially right now. I know its a volatile time for us right now, that we feel turbulent and everything is changing and its just been generally hard and seemingly lonely. All the time we hear that God is constant through the storm, just believe in his promises and it will be alright. And we did, we still do. And I think God loves it. But more than that, he gave me more insight on our struggle. Our struggle has been teaching us to become real women. To stop being girls and to be women. Before, I would always hide in myself in my poetry in my writing. I struggled alot with identity. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t identify. And I knew I was created to be big but I was in such a small body. I really refused myself, didn’t even choose to identify with it. And if people ever commented on it or made fun of me, it really didnt matter because I knew where my strengths were. But now i realize even that isnt enough….I can’t just ignore myself. The more I stay within myself, the more I get away from myself. I thought hiding was the answer.Then I came to cre8 and there was all this prophecy, so much of the spirit was there and it was something I was trying to find - a community wrecked by the holy spirit. And I knew I belonged. Even though I was really unconfident everywhere else, I was confident in Cre8 because I saw God’s heart and thats all I ever wanted to see. There was so much disparity between how I felt/acted/believed in cre8 vs the outside world. I just didnt get how they connected. Because I knew so much, but when I tried to apply it, people would reject it…I felt so young, small and demeaned at school and even IVCF. Now God is trying to teach me how to be constant. That not only God is the ultimate thermostat, but that we are thermostats. They dont just change the temperature, they keep the temperature steady even when the winds around them are raging. And by faith, by believing in his promises we were trying to be that. And through it, we are finding how to connect our identities as women. It took a long time, a long strain to hear God’s voice, but now I see that even his small comments from time to time are all leading up to this grand unfolding as us as women! I know its vague, probably something you have heard before but your identity is flat, it has so so many layers and it includes everything - the soul, the mind and the body. I feel like the Lord was teaching me how to address my problem areas - the body (feeling small, bad posture, the way I carry myself is really young and childish), the mind (owning my own intelligence. I know where I am smart.)
Too often.
I disappear into myself.
Father forgive me
because I have forgotten how to ask
for your simple answers
for your better answers.
Father forgive me
because I have forgotten myself
in my fog, in my busy-ness
in my endless days
my days where I choose everything over You.
God, I still believe in your promises.
God, I still believe you mean everything to me.
God, I still believe if everything was taken away, I’d still have you and that’d be ok.
I still believe that even when I get caught up and finally realize that I’m not going anywhere, that I can hide in the folds of your arms.
You are my newness.
Finally, I did not have a desperate cry. But a cry of relief. Overwhelmed.
